i think i scared a bird with my dick
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
