There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
