Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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