tell your sister to shave her snatch
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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