I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
