I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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