You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
