Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
