how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
