Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize