I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
