When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize