he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
