Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
