Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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