what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
