I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize