We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize