If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
