How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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