yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
