i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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