I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
