Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
