This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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