and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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