if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
