Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
