Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
