our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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