then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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