I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
