we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I need moral support for this bender
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
