I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
