you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
