Betty ford says i'm here all night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
