thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
