If that was your dad, he is hot
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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