I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think my vagina is haunted
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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