we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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