If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
