I wish my penis had an off switch
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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