You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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