my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize