good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
