I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
