Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize