so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
