8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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