Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
