i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
