i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
