just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
