im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
