it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
