he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
