She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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