I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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