you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
