i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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