sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
