Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize