dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
