just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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