You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
