you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm at about main and main street
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
