Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
