she was so not down for the gang bang
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
