Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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