butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
